I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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