I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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