I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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