I cockslap morals
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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