I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize