Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
