She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
