I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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