Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
