Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
