sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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