I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
