Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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