Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
