We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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