I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
