You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Randomize
