how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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