absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize