Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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