I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
