tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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