he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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