my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
only if we run a train.
done.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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