so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
