Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
