tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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