All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize