is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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