She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
