it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
