can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
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