She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
