i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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