I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
