I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
