I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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