So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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