Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
