Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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