I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
