you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
