omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
