apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize