the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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