Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
