whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize