Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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