Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
