Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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