Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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