My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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