We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
