Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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