I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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