fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
