you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
