I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
