Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
