somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
