Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Come share oat with me in your robe
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize