: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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