What did we do last night that was yellow?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
