apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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