His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize