The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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