This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize