i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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