You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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