Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
