he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
