Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize