she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm both gender and math confused
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
