You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
