walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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